dance by yourself and.......

Wed, 30 Nov 2005 21:51:33 GMT

Things in my head have been a mess lately. Im not sure if im as happy as I play off. I love Chris will all my heart, things are pretty much good there. Work is work. I don't think I'll ever like working. I told Chris I would stay home and have a bunch of babies..but he told me no..lol i guess that wouldn't be the best thing to do. Im just not sure....why Im not happy.

Christmas is coming soon....money is tight...and it gives me a headache.

hmmm and thats it....

Mon, 17 Oct 2005 14:13:23 GMT

Most of the time things were really great and I know we got something special
We build this love we share on faith and trust, honest way we talk, tender way we touch,
All those nights we spent making love,there's nowhere else on earth I would rather be

Getting ready for work and I really don't want to go....
but its life and I'll get dressed and go.
I just feel blah. Things are great...
So, I shouldn't feel this way.
All I want to do is cry.
Last nite not so much cause
I had fun..I was with people
I care about alot.
It keeps my busy.
But when I sit down alone
I don't like it...
Someone can't be with me
24/7 to keep me from
feeling this way.
I'll have to deal with it
and eventually get over it.
Well work calls..and I need to get ready..

Fri, 23 Sep 2005 13:42:53 GMT

i wish my boyfriend was home..
so we could just stay in bed all day
and he could just hold me...
i hate feeling miserable..
or whatever it is im exactly feeling

Fri, 23 Sep 2005 13:40:12 GMT

Have you ever?

1. smoked a cigarette - yes
2. smoked a cigar - no
3. made out with a member of the same sex - think what u want....
4. crashed a friend's car - nope
5. stolen a car - no

6. been in love - yes :-)
7. been dumped - yes
8. shoplifted - no
9. been fired - no
10. been in a fist fight - no

11. snuck out of your house - actually i don't think so - but i've lied about where i was going
12. had feelings for someone who didn't return them - yes i think it happens to everyone
13. been arrested - nope
14. made out with a stranger - ummmmm
15. gone on a blind date - yes

16. lied to a friend - yes
17. had a crush on a teacher -yes my 11th grade history teacher
18. skipped school - yeah
19. slept with a co-worker - i plead the 5th
20. seen someone die - no

21. been on a plane - yes
22. thrown up in a bar - nope
23. taken painkillers - i think for my teeth
24. love someone or miss someone right now - yes
25. laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by - yes

26. made a snow angel - yes
27. played dress up - yes
28. cheated while playing a game - yes lol
29. been lonely - yes
30. fallen asleep at work/school - in school.

31. used a fake id - no
32. felt an earthquake - yes
33. touched a snake - yes
34. ran a red light - im sure i have
35. been suspended from school - no

36. had detention - yes
37. been in a car accident - yes i was accident prone i think
38. hated the way you look - clearly
39. witnessed a crime - hmm sure
40. pole danced - not that i can recall

41. been lost - yes
42. been to the opposite side of the country - california would be the opposite side right? so in that case yes
43. felt like dying - yup
44. cried yourself to sleep - yes
45. played cops and robbers - no

46. sang karaoke - no
47. done something you told yourself you wouldn't - yes
48. laughed till some kind of beverage came out of your nose -probally
49. caught a snowflake on your tongue - yes
50. kissed in the rain - no but i want too

51. sing in the shower - yes'm
52. made love in a park - nope
53. had a dream that you married someone - not that I can remember
54. glued your hand to something - no
55. got your tongue stuck to a flag pole - no

56. worn the opposite sex's clothes - yes
57. been a cheerleader - no
58. sat on a roof top - nope.
59. didn't take a shower for a week - gross, no
60. ever too scared to watch scary movies alone - yes

61. played 'chicken' - no
62. been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on - i think so
63. been told you're hot by a complete stranger - i dont know
64. broken a bone - never
65. been easily amused - i am all the time

66. laugh so hard you cry - yes
67. mooned/flashed someone - nope
68. cheated on a test - in highschool
69. forgotten someone's name - yeah, sometimes i don't pay attention when i'm introduced
70. slept naked - all the time

71. gone skinny dipping in a pool - not that i wanted too...
72. been kicked out of your house -yes
73. blacked out from drinking - kind of
74. played a prank on someone - hmm not really
75. gone to a late night movie -yes

76. made love to anything not human - ew no
77. failed a class - yup
78. choked on something you're not supposed to eat - no
79. played an instrument for more than 10 hours - no
80. cheated on a gf/bf - hmmm
81. felt like killing someone - yes
82. ate a whole package of oreos -no
83. thrown strange objects - probably
84. thought about running away - not seriously
85. ran away - no

86. did drugs - i smoked pot
87. had detention and did not attend it - no
88. yelled at parents - me and my mom use to all the time
89. made a parent cry - yeah...
90. cried over someone - yep

91. been in a band - nope
92. owned more than 5 sharpies - just 2
93. dated more than 1 person at once - no
94. had a dog - no
95. had a cat - yep

96. owned an instrument - no
97. had more than 25 sodas in one day - no i would get a sick tummy
98. broken a cd - yes
99. shot a gun - no
100. visited lj more than 5 times per day - yeah, it's bad.

Thu, 22 Sep 2005 17:27:01 GMT

i hate being a girl

Wed, 21 Sep 2005 14:13:04 GMT

im still part of that family wether i work all the time
or not...wether i stay at my boyfriends..
shes not in this family...
i think they tend to forget that sometimes
oh well what you gonna do

Tue, 20 Sep 2005 22:26:18 GMT

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with
I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you

bored at work.......

Mon, 19 Sep 2005 17:15:11 GMT

(1) Your gender: female
(2) Straight/gay/bi?: straight
(3) Single?: nope :-)
(4) Want to be?: not july 7th
(6) Age you act: not to sure lol
(7) Age you wish you were: 5 lol
(8) Your height: 5ft
(9) The color of your eyes: brown
(10) Happy with it?: sure
(11) The color of your hair: brown with blonde highlights
(12) Happy with it?: need a change
(13) Left/right/ambidextrous?: left
(14) Your living arrangement?: at home with my parents..i stay with chris alot though
(27) Your family: mom, stepdad and brother
(29) What's your job: office person
(30) Piercings?: one in each ear
(31) Tattoos?: 3
(32) Obsessions?: thinking to much...the oc...sleep..
(35) Do you speak another language? nope
(36) Have a favorite quote?: not one i can think of
(37) Do you have a webpage?: noppers

DEEP THOUGHTS about life and you in it
(38) Do you live in the moment?: it depends on what the situation is
(39) Do you consider yourself tolerant of others?: pretty tolerant
(40) Do you have any secrets?: who doesnt?
(41) Do you hate yourself?: yes
(42) Do you like your handwriting?: sort of
(43) Do you have any bad habits?: being overly dramatic sometimes...biting my nails, smoking
(44) What is the compliment you get most from people?: hmm not to sure
(45) If a movie was made about your life, what would it be called?: the overly dramatic girl..haha
(46) What's your biggest fear?: dying or losing people i love
(47) Can you sing: i like to think i can when im alone...
(48) Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool?: nope
(49) Are you a loner?: not really
(51) If you were another person, would you be friends with you?: sure
(52) Are you a daredevil?: no
(53) Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself?: i hate how i can make something little into a huge deal
(54) Are you passive or aggressive?: can be both
(55) Have you got a ?: uh...
(56) What is your greatest strength and weakness? getting myself out of bad situations i put myself in...if thats considered a strength
(57) If you could change one thing about yourself?: everything
(58) There are three wells, love, beauty and creativity, which one do you choose?: love
(59) How do you vent?: talk to someone, cry
(60) Do you think you are emotionally strong?: i can at times..but i usally breakdown
(61) Is there anything you regret doing/not doing in life?: alot but its in my past
(62) Do you think life has been good so far?: its had its ups and downs but overall yes
(63) What is the most important lesson you've learned from life?: be careful who you trust
(64) What do you like the most about your body?: ummm my boobs lol
(65) And least?: my stomach
(66) Do you think you are good looking?: not really
(67) Are you confident?: sometimes
(68) What is the fictional character you're most like?: good question..
69) Do people know how you feel?: yes
(70) Are you perceived wrongly?: sometimes
DO YOU...
(71) Smoke?: yes
(72) Do drugs?: nope
(73) Read the newspaper?: at work yes
(74) Pray?: yes
(75) Go to church? havent been in ages
(76) Talk to strangers who IM you?: not usually
(77) Sleep with stuffed animals?: yes sticth
(78) Take walks in the rain?: yes before
(79) Talk to people even though you hate them?: yes
(80) Drive?: yes i do
(81) Like to drive fast?: no i drive like an old woman
HAVE YOU EVER...
(82) Liked your voice?: its okay
(83) Hurt yourself?: yes
(84) Been out of the country?: no
(85) Eaten something that made other people sick?: im sure
(86) Burped?: yea
(87) Been unfaithful?: yes
(88) Been in love?: yes i have
(89) Done drugs?: yes
(90) Gone skinny dipping?: yes
(92) Had a surgery?: no
(93) Ran away from home?: kind of????
(94) Played strip poker: nope
(95) Gotten beaten up?: nope
(97) Been picked on?: yea
(98) Been on stage?: yep
(99) Been so drunk that you know you're supposed to go out on a date with someone, but you can't remember with who or when and that you faint when you look at yourself in the mirror in the morning, not to mention your breath?: no lol
(100) Slept outdoors?: yes
(101) Thought about suicide?: yes
(102) Pulled an all-nighter?: yes
(103) If yes, what is your record?: a whole nite and day
(105) Talked on the phone all night?: yes
(106) Slept together with the opposite sex without actually having sex?: yes
(107) Slept all day?: yep
(108) Killed someone?: haha..no
(109) Made out with a stranger?: yes
(110) Had sex with a stranger?: nope
(111) Thought you're going crazy?: haha yes
(112) Kissed the same sex?: yes
(113) Done anything sexual with the same sex?: nope
(114) Been betrayed?: yes..ugh
(115) Had a dream that came true?: yup!
(116) Broken the law?: not really
(117) Met a famous person?: yes i have
(118) Have you ever killed an animal by accident?: yes that poor racoon i hit
(146) Stolen anything?: nope
(147) Been on radio/TV.?: nope
(148) Been in a mosh-pit?: nope
(149) Had a nervous breakdown?: yes
(150) Considered religious vocation?: i dont think so
(151) Been criticized about your sexual performance?: yes
(152) Bungee jumped?: nope..ahh
(153) Had a dream that kept coming back?: yea

CLOTHES and other fashion
(154) Shoe brand?: just sandals i dont care which brand
(155) Brand of clothing?: pac sun..ae..or aeropostal
(156) Cologne/perfume?: something from victoria secrets dont remeber what its called
(157) What are you normally wearing to school/work?: pants a tank top and a shirt
(159) Wear hats?: no
(161) Wear make-up?: yes
(162) Favorite place to shop?: ae
(163) Favorite article of clothing?: my hoodie my boyfriend bought me...and my comfy pants from aeropostal
(164) Are you trendy?: i dont think so
(165) Would you rather wear a uniform to school?: i dont go to school so i dont care

BELIEFS
(166) Believe in life on other planets?: hmmm maybe
(167) Miracles?: yes i do
(168) Astrology?: yes
(169) Magic?: not really
(170) God?: im a little torn
(171) Satan?: yes
(172) Santa?: no..but those were the days..
(173) Ghosts?: yes
(174) Luck?: yes
(175) Love at first sight?:sure do
(176) Yin and Yang?: i guess
(177) Witches?: yes
(178) Easter bunny?: nope
(179) Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever?: yes i do
(180) Believe there's a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow?: that would be awesome
(181) Do you wish on stars?: i do all the time

LOVE, and all that
(182) Did you get frightened or uncomfortable seeing that as a section title?: nope, why should i?
(183) Do you remember your first love?: yes
(184) Still love him/her?: nope
(185) Do you consider love a mistake?: i guess not u learn if it doesnt work out
(186) What do you find romantic?: chris just pulling me down on the couch for a kiss...or him just letting me lay on his lap as he rubs my head
(187) Turn-on?: brown eyes...chris lol
(188) Turn-off?: agressivness, jerks, cockyness
(189) Do you base your judgment on looks alone: no
(200) If someone you had no interest in dating expressed interest in dating you, how would you feel?: i would feel bad for them and just try to be their friend
(201) Do you prefer knowing someone before dating them or going "blind"?: not sure
(202) Have you ever wished it was more "socially acceptable" for a girl to ask a guy out?: doesnt matter..ive done it before
(203) Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractive?: yes
(204) Do you think the opposite sex finds you good looking?: i guess so..ive been told im beautiful
(205) What is best about the opposite sex?: just..everything
(206) What is the worst thing about the opposite sex?: they can be too agressive
(207) What's the last present someone gave you? bubble bath stuff
(208) Are you in love?: yes very much so
(209) Do you consider your significant other hot?: hes amazing
(210) What would you do if you were walking down the street and saw some hot guy/girl standing on the sidewalk?: im taken

WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON...
(211) That haunted you?: hmm noy sure
(212) You wanted to kill?: mike
(213) That you laughed at?: my mom
(214) That laughed at you?:chris
(215) That turned you on?: chris
(216) You went shopping with?: my nana
(217) That broke your heart?: steve
(218) To disappoint you?: hmm..
(219) To ask you out?: chris
(220) To make you cry?: \my dad
(221) To brighten up your day?: chris
(222) That you thought about?: chris
(223) You saw a movie with?: chris
(224) You talked to on the phone?: tara
(225) You talked to through IM?:mike r
(226) You saw?: my mom
(227) You lost?: hm..
(229) You thought was completely insane?: my family lol
(230) You wanted to be?: no one
(231) You told off?: no one
(232) You trusted?: chris
(233) You turned down?: mike

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU
(234) Smiled?: a little while ago
(235) Laughed?: a couple mins ago
(236) Cried?:last nite
(237) Bought something?: saturday
(238) Danced?: hmm not sure
(239) Were sarcastic?: im always sarcastic
(240) hugged someone?: this moring i think
(241) Talked to an ex?: i dont
(242) Watched your fave movie?: forever ago
(243) Had a nightmare?: awhile ago
(245) Talked on the phone?: last night
(246) Listened to the radio?: in the car a little while ago
(247) Watched TV?: last night
(248) Went out?: this morning
(249) Helped someone?:hmmmm
(250) Were mean?: haha..probably last night
(251) Sang?: in the car before
(252) Saw a movie in a theater?: ia while now
(253) Said "I love you"?: this moring i think
(254) Missed someone?: now
(255) Fought with a family member?: not sure
(256) Fought with a friend?: not sure
(257) Had a serious conversation?: a couple nights ago
(258) Got drunk?: a little while ago
(259) Had sex?: last nite

Mon, 19 Sep 2005 13:53:45 GMT

i love him with all my heart :-)

Sat, 17 Sep 2005 14:38:42 GMT

Hope is an anchor
And love is a ship
Time is the ocean
And life is a trip
From the beginning of creation
I think our maker had a plan
For us to leave these shores
And sail beyond the sand
You don't bring nothin' with you here
And you can't take nothin' back
I ain't never seen a hearse with a luggage rack
So I've torn my knees a-prayin'
Scared my back from fallin' down
Spent so much time flyin' high
'Til I'm face first in the ground
So if you're up there watchin' me
Would you talk to God and say
Tell him I might need a hand
To see you both someday

So, I'll see you on the other side
If I make it
And it may be a long hard ride
But I want to take it
Sometime it seems that I don't have a prayer
Let the weather take me anywhere
But I know that I want to go
Where the streets are gold
'Cause you'll be there

Thu, 15 Sep 2005 01:56:49 GMT

i can not wait till friday!!!!!!! :-)

Mon, 12 Sep 2005 16:11:55 GMT

Sometimes all it takes to please her
Is the touch of your hand
N' Other times you got to take it slow
And hold her all night long
Heaven knows there's so many ways
A man can go wrong
Must be doin' somethin' right
I just heard ya sigh
N' Lean into my kiss
And close those deep blue need to eyes
Don't know what I did
To earn a love like this
But baby I must be doin' somethin' right

Anywhere you wanna go
Baby show me the way
I'm open to suggestions
Mmm whatever you say
Tonight's about givin' you what you want
Whatever it takes
Girl I hope i'm on the right road
Judgin by the smile on your face :-)

i got a dollar raise today...
very excited :-)
work has been ok.
had a date with my boyfriend yesterday
i needed that. i had a wonderful time
things are good. i just think to many
retarded things in my head...i get a little
ahead of myself.
but i talked to him and things are fine.
i think im gonna start spending one nite
at home. i think my moms havin a problem
with me not staying at home at all.
got my new tattoo I LOVE IT!!!
it didn't hurt that much so thats a good thing
but i should get back to work now

breath

Sat, 03 Sep 2005 00:11:42 GMT

im still at work..
i probally wont be out of here for another
58385848 hrs ok maybe in like 3 hrs or so.
its a long day.
taking alex out tomorrow for
lunch and a movie, then
chris and i are going to make my
appt for my tattoo im excited :-)
things have been so so i guess
i've been keeping alot bottled up
inside. some things i know
other things i cant pin point
i just wished i felt normal..
but oh well

lets see

Wed, 31 Aug 2005 12:46:58 GMT

i haven't updated in a while...
i went full time at work....
i like it theres only one draw back...but i can deal with it.
the trucks on the road :-) that makes me happy.
i dont have to depend on many people anymore.
and i like it. i finally got a car and a job.
chris is offically moved into the apartment.
he seems to like it.
along with his new job.
i think im still getting use to it.
well not him living so close
but the time he works.
i miss him...even though i see him everynite
before we go to bed. but still its new..
i'll get use to it eventually.
i get to see my mom more since he lives so close..
its nice.
what else is new???
john and i are gonna go get a tattoo on saturday if we can make
an appt. that will be fun. im ready for a new one. its gonna hurt
but i'll suck it up...
i've been feelings kind of blah lately
i'll get over that to. not much u can do.

hmmmmmmmmm

Fri, 12 Aug 2005 20:15:44 GMT

i love you alot! :-)

my baby got a new job!!!!

Tue, 09 Aug 2005 15:09:23 GMT

so yesterday chris got a new job working with john...the pays not bad its 13.50 an hour. so im sooooooo excited for him. i think it will be good. i think hes gonna move up to ware in the other apartment we have. im kind of excited. i know it will be new and different. but i think a good different. we arent gonna move in with each other right now. its to soon. plus i can't afford it. but nothing is gonna change either. we are gonna be the same way..he will just be closer thats all. i hope hes excited too. so thats my news....
work today should be fun fun fun...lol
maybe it wont be so bad. sues taking friday off so i should be
there till god knows what time.
and thats about it here...

Tue, 09 Aug 2005 02:51:58 GMT

went to the doctors today
hopefully it will be good
my head is feeling pretty crazy...

Sun, 07 Aug 2005 23:42:00 GMT

Seemed to stop my breath
My head on your chest
Maybe you and me
So kiss me like you did
My heart stopped beating
And Im melting
In your eyes
I lost my place
Could stay a while
Just stay with me now
Take my hand
We could take our heads off
stay in bed just make love that's all
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

so i had ray and beths baby shower today...
i was falling asleep during it lol..hopefully
aunties will be more entertaining...
but they got some really cute stuff for the baby
then i took a nap im really tired today..
waiting for my boyfriend to get home from work..
so i can see him :-)
and thats about how exciting my life is right now

Thu, 04 Aug 2005 00:07:57 GMT

My worries weigh the world, how I used to be
And everything, I'm cold, seems a plague in me
And it's hard to say how I feel today
For years gone by and I cried

It's hard to say that I was wrong
It's hard to say I miss you
It's hard to say if only
Since you've been gone, it's not the same

So wear me like a locket around your throat....

Wed, 03 Aug 2005 01:58:13 GMT

i've survied camping the bugs were awful, im so bitten up and itchy, just like everyone else. but other than that i had fun, and im glad i got to spend the whole weekend with chris...even though we both were annoyed at times. we went to the beach on saturday the water was freezing but i managed to go in. i can at least say i swam in the ocean this summer. i don't know if i would go back to maine though. maybe when im old lol..
we came home on sunday...i was soo excited i got to take a hot clean shower. i took a shower this weekend at the campsite but the bathroom was gross..i felt a little cleaner but not much. the monday i hung out with chris again. i went out to eat with him and his family for his brothers birthday. it was yummy :-) then my boyfriend caved in and let me sleepover again ..because he loves me sooooooooooo much! lol but im glad he let me sleepover even though i had to leave early this moring...
anywhoo worked today..
was told like a billion times i couldnt have fridays off anymore
and im like ok thats fine each time..but maybe people are just dense and
don't hear me...i don't know.
but the sad news was that brendan was let go yesterday.
i felt really bad..because he has been there longer than i have
but i guess on the other hand i should be lucky i still have a job
i am gonna start looking around though...just in case.
but my thinking is that they need sue and i..because someone needs
to check in the trucks and do that paper work and someone needs to do
the other crap that we have to do. inless when the bosses son starts to work in the
office. he will take over one of our places..im not sure yet..but i guess we will
all find out one way or another.
but my show is coming on soon and im gonna go watch it..
so bye...

Wed, 27 Jul 2005 14:05:40 GMT

i wish my anxiety would just go away...

Oompa Loompa doompadee doo.....

Wed, 27 Jul 2005 04:35:11 GMT

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory was amazing, even if it was the second time around :-)

bestfriends can become strangers......even if they don't know...........

Tue, 26 Jul 2005 00:13:11 GMT

you think that friendships last forever and they don't.......
but i guess things change and you learn to deal with it.

On another note i spent a wonderful day with my boyfriend
i was up at like 6am this moring...dont ask my why so early.
we got up and took a shower, then went for a walk.
We went to friendly's to eat breakfast it was yummy
then he took me to Barnes and Nobles i love that store.
I bought a new book called Wicked. Im not sure if i like it
so far but i will find out i guess.
then we came home and went swimming, that was my
favorite part of the day :-) sadly he had to go to
work. and now im sitting alone...lol he will be home in a
little while i miss him when hes gone as pathetic as that sounds lol
we go campin on friday im soooo excited.
a whole weekend away from mass, and i get to spend
it with my boyfriend.

darlene called me today, our computers went down in braintree
and therefore we might not get to work tomorrow....thats just great
i really need the money. but im saving, and trying not to spend
alot. i spent a little to much this week, but thats because
i had my concert and stuff...so i guess its ok
i still feel guilty for it. But im gonna go take a shower
i feel gross...so i'll update laters

Mon, 25 Jul 2005 00:35:07 GMT

the concert was amazing.
i had such a good time :-)
chris even enjoyed himself, who would of
thought. he still hates kenny
chesney though, i dont think that
will change much lol haha
but im gonna go clean now

i heart you!!!!!

Fri, 22 Jul 2005 01:11:49 GMT

i've come to the conclusion i really am glad i am with chris
well i've come to that conclusion a long time ago lol
hes wonderful and hes the best boyfriend i could ask for.
i am so thankful that we found each other makes me happy :-)
hes my bestfriend amoung other things....
i dont know im just happy
im not good at writing my thoughts down
when i finally have time to write them..
but im gonna go now..